The state of the nation

The other night I went out with my friend Katy. She, too, is single and dating, but has become really disillusioned with the concept of internet dating. All that awkwardness, the stilted conversation…having to pretend to be interested in what a total stranger – with whom there might not even be a spark when you met them in the flesh – has to say, when all along you just know you’d be having a much better time in your warm, comfy flat sat on the sofa with a glass of wine watching Corrie. In your pyjamas.

I listened in sympathy. I, too, dipped my toes briefly in the internet dating world after the breakup, but didn’t get as far as actually meeting someone. I went off the idea almost instantly, after an email exchange with a bloke who came across as one of the most patronising people I’ve never met. It struck me that it was like a license for men to try and thrust their personalities on you from the comfort of their own homes, and then, when they do meet up with you, use the evening to size you up for a potential shag. It’s certainly not something I’ll be doing if I do get to the point where I’m looking for another serious long term relationship. It just smacks too much, also, of interviewing for the position of long-term partner/prospective future father of your children – I’d much rather carry on the way I’ve been doing, going out, having a few drinks, snogging men in bars and then either going home with them that night or meeting up with them a few days later…and getting to know them after that. Cut to the chase, I say!

Katy and I also had a long talk about the situation between men and women of our generation, and what we think has happened to make things turn out the way they have: where you get men unwilling to rise to the responsibility and challenge of embarking on a relationship with women their own age (ie us) and looking to younger women because it’s, basically, a lot less hassle. But, as I’ve commented before, if they think that’s going to bring them happiness in the long term, they’re mistaken. I had to laugh recently, when I read an interview with a British Z-list actor. Now 37, he’s recently become engaged to a girl he met last year – when she was 22, and has just graduated from university. In the interview, he said, ‘obviously, I’d really like to start a family soon – of course I’ll have to give whateverhernamewas a bit of time, but hopefully I won’t have to wait too long.’ Er, sorry, mate; you’ll be waiting at least five years, if not longer. A recent graduate is going to want to get stuck into her career, which means you’ll be in your early forties by the time she’s ready to consider it.

Are we destined to have a new generation of really old dads? Will parks be full of blokes who are nearly fifty running around trying to play football with their toddlers? It’s not a good look, but women have to be aware of the fact that we have contributed to this state of affairs. By gaining our independence – and no longer relying on men for finances, home ownership, having a baby within a relationship – we’ve lost our natural partners. So where does that leave us? I’m still working on an answer to that one…